Baton Rouge, LA – In a shocking turn of events, the LSU Tigers basketball team has mistakenly signed a 7-foot-tall high school principal instead of a highly recruited prospect. Now, rather than backing out, the team has decided to roll with their new accidental star—who is set to make his debut as their starting center this season.
How Did This Happen?
The bizarre incident occurred during LSU’s heated recruiting season when assistant coaches were finalizing commitments via email. Dr. Kenneth “Big Ken” Thompson, the 42-year-old principal of Baton Rouge Central High School, received what he thought was a joke email from the LSU basketball program, offering him a full-ride scholarship.
“At first, I thought it was a prank from one of my students,” said Thompson, who played zero minutes of organized basketball in his life. “But then I saw my name in the official contract. Next thing I know, I’m standing in front of Coach Matt McMahon, and he’s handing me a jersey!”
A Case of Mistaken Identity
Sources close to the program confirm that the scholarship offer was meant for four-star recruit Kenneth Thomas Jr., a 6’10” power forward from Texas. However, an autocorrect error in the database accidentally sent the offer to the wrong Kenneth Thompson—a school administrator who hadn’t dribbled a basketball since gym class in 1998.
By the time the mistake was realized, Thompson had already signed the letter of intent and showed up for practice in a full suit and dress shoes. Rather than dealing with potential NCAA complications, Coach McMahon decided to lean into the mistake, officially adding Thompson to the roster.
“We like his height, his leadership, and, most importantly, his ability to intimidate referees,” said McMahon. “This guy has given detentions, suspended students, and dealt with rowdy pep rallies for years. I think he can handle a few SEC opponents in the paint.”
The Unorthodox Training Plan
To prepare for the season, the LSU coaching staff has implemented an accelerated training program for Thompson, which includes:
Jumping drills over office desks to improve his vertical leap.
Running wind sprints through the school hallways to simulate fast-break situations.
Practicing free throws with a clipboard in one hand to maintain his principal instincts.
Despite his lack of experience, Thompson has embraced the opportunity.
“I might not be the most skilled player,” he admitted, “but I know how to call a timeout and bench people who don’t listen.”
Fans Are Loving It
LSU fans have quickly rallied behind Thompson, nicknaming him “The Detention Defender” and “Big Principal Energy.” Social media is flooded with memes, with one fan joking:
“LSU is the only team where a player can dunk on you AND give you a week of in-school suspension.”
Another added:
“Opposing teams better not argue with the refs, or Thompson will write them up for unsportsmanlike conduct.”
What’s Next?
While some skeptics doubt that a 42-year-old principal with bad knees can keep up in the SEC, LSU is standing by their accidental recruit. Thompson is expected to start in their season opener, where fans will finally see if his experience handling teenage troublemakers can translate to handling elite Division I basketball players.
One thing is for sure—this is one LSU season fans will never forget.
